Not Exactly Lesbian
Fandom: Ugly Betty
Disclaimer: Oh, so not even mine.
Summary: Amanda discusses the difficulties of sex in a gender-and-sexuality-diverse world.
“So if I slept with Alexis, would that be lesbian?” Amanda wonders aloud. “I mean, it’s not exactly the same as sleeping with a woman.”
Marc snorts, and Betty’s little mouth drops open. “Amanda, that’s so ignorant!” Betty says earnestly. “It’s a sign of cisgendered privilege.”
“Cis-what-ered?” Amanda asks, raising an eyebrow. She has often suspected Betty of making shit up to sound smart, and this may be the time she finally catches her in the act.
“Cisgendered,” Betty says slowly, like Amanda is the one who wears purple and yellow together. “It means that you identify as your birth biological sex and were raised that way.”
“Oh, so normal,” Amanda says with a shrug. “But I’m being serious here. I mean, Alexis is hot. And a Meade. And wasn’t always a smoking hot supermodel girl. Like, what if what attracts me to Alexis isn’t his fantastic rack, but that I have a weakness for Meades? I mean, if I sleep with a girl in a threesome, I’m pretty sure that’s not lesbian.”
Betty looks like she’s going to give birth to a hairball, her mouth has dropped so far open. Plus there are weird noises, which are weird even for Betty and Amanda assumes are either a choking fit or outrage. Either way, she notes Marc is snapping a picture for “Today’s Betty Look” which is the most popular intranet page at Mode.
They’re thinking of getting it a MySpace next.
Amanda would continue this line of thinking, but Alexis herself sashays out of the office in a pair of Salvatore Ferragamos that Amanda intends to acquire at the next sample sale if she has to give head. And maybe it’s because Betty’s hairball-producing fit is like a trainwreck, but Alexis heads right on over to the assistant discussion.
“What’s going on?” Alexis asks, looking them all over. “Don’t you people fetch coffee or something?”
Betty recovers and Marc whisks himself away to go do Wilhelmina’s bidding and in general be someplace that’s else.
“We’re just…having a discussion about work,” Betty says.
“Actually, I wanted to know if it’s lesbian to be attracted to you, because you used to be a guy and I don’t think it’s lesbian,” Amanda says. “Betty says that’s cisgendered privilege.”
Alexis looks at Betty and raises an eyebrow. “You do your research, don’t you?” she asks Betty.
“I think it’s important to be informed on the issues. Also, Daniel was freaking out pretty bad, so I thought this might help him, you know. Handle it,” Betty says, looking at Alexis’s shoes. Maybe it will teach her something about style, but Amanda so doubts it.
“Well, I certainly hope so,” Alexis says, turning her gaze on Amanda. “And who are you again? You do the phones, right?”
“Amanda,” says Amanda. “Hi.”
“Come with me, Amanda,” says Alexis, and oh, shit, Amanda is so gonna get fired and that’s got to be some kind of discrimination, because Amanda was asking honest questions! It’s not like she knows the answer, or even if she would do it with Alexis Meade.
Amanda has done it with girls, actually, but always in the threesome way, and it was fun but she’s not like, about to go flannel and granola just because the best pussy-licking she ever got was from this promoter’s girlfriend named Linnea or something. But this tranny stuff makes her all confused.
“Oh, hey, what perfume is that?” Amanda hears herself ask. “It’s really nice.”
“Bulgari,” Alexis says. “So, you know I have a vagina, right? A working one and everything.”
“Yeah,” Amanda says. “But you were a guy. And I’ve seen you act guy-like, like when you gave Daniel a wet willy for something he said about the swimsuit models? So it’s not just so easy as you’re a girl, I’m a girl, and if I did you it would be totally lesbo.”
Alexis puts her hands on her hips and pauses. “Girl, you have no idea,” she finally says. “Though I have no clue why you think we’re going to have sex when I barely know your name, Amanda.”
“Oh, this is so theoretical!” Amanda says. “It’s just like, really confusing. Because you know, why not just be gay if you wanted to do guys? And if you would do me now, why be a girl?”
“Because I always knew I was a woman,” Alexis says. “I don’t know why that’s hard to understand, but I knew for a long time that I was a woman. I’m not entirely sure if I’m a straight woman or not, though.”
Amanda feels really deep, talking about this, even though her question hasn’t been answered. Though she’s even more confused about whether or not having sex with Alexis would be lesbian or not. Or if it was, if it would be more or less lesbian when Alexis had a penis.
But she bets Betty wouldn’t know, either, and would go all gape-mouthed and spluttery, and Amanda is at least saying things.
“So you don’t know and you became a girl anyway? That’s kinda weird,” Amanda says. “And I still don’t know if you and me would be lesbian!”
“Well, I don’t know either,” Alexis says. “I think it depends on what you view as lesbian.”
“I KNOW, right!” Amanda squeaks. Oh, they are so getting along, her and Alexis. Maybe they can be shopping buddies on the company card. That would rock. “I mean, it’s like when you’re in a threesome. I don’t think that’s lesbian, even when it’s good with the girl, because it’s really about the boy, right?”
Alexis looks at Amanda. “So if you and I found some boy to have sex with, it would definitely not be lesbian?” she asks.
“No, but it might be gay, but I wouldn’t be the gay one, so I don’t care,” Amanda says cheerfully. “I’d say we should ask Marc, but he’s such a ‘mo. Touching a vagina would make him wilt like Daniel after too much Johnny Walker.”
“You slept with my brother?” Alexis asks. “You’re a…very special girl, Amanda.”
“Oh, that’s OVER,” Amanda says, shaking her head and waving her hand. “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t sleep with you to like, get back at Daniel. It would be because you’re smoking hot, have a great rack, and because I think it’s not really very lesbian. Especially if we had a threesome.”
“Okay,” Alexis says, blinking like she’s just learned a lot of new things. Amanda does that sometimes. “Would you like to go out for a drink sometime? I didn’t date boys when I was a boy, so I’m completely out of the loop on how to date them in Manhattan. I could use your help.”
“Sure!” Amanda says. “Guy-watching is totally fun, and we could go very Bradshaw with it if the crowd’s weak.”
“Great. Let me get your phone number and I’ll give you a call,” Alexis says.
It’s not until Amanda is back at her desk and answering five phones at once that she realizes that maybe Alexis Meade just asked her out on a date.
And that she said yes.
Amanda perks up. Well, this just goes to show she’s so hot that even hot transsexual women with money will chase her around. Plus, Alex Meade was a notable horndog back in the day. If nothing else, she will know how to lick clit better than her brother. So why not try it?
It’s not really lesbian, after all. If even Alexis doesn’t know if it is for sure, then Amanda’s totally sure of that.
And it’s not like Alexis said she was anti-threesome anyway…