In Imitatio Dei
Fandom: Battlestar Galactica
Pairing: Baltar/D’Anna/Caprica Six
Spoilers: The Eye of Jupiter
Disclaimer: Moore’s the man with the master plan.
Summary: Love as you will and pray like hell it’s enough.
He throws himself into Caprica’s arms after the meeting, before the next gathering on the basestar that Caprica can feel in the back of her head, like a slight headache starting to form.
“Why must it be so difficult?” he asks, covering Caprica’s throat with kisses. Caprica might ask the same thing. Of late, Gaius has spent more time with D’Anna than her, and both of them have ignored her and her questions, much to Caprica’s uneasiness. “Why can’t simple love be returned?”
She kisses him hard. “I love you,” Caprica says. “I love you more than anything.”
His hands roam her body fitfully, as though he were looking for some curve, some line that he can’t find on her. “But you used me, at first,” Gaius says. “And you didn’t trust me at first, even though you love me.”
This is completely unfair, given that Gaius used Caprica as hard as Caprica used Gaius. Worse, because Caprica admitted her love while Gaius ran from it.
But Gaius isn’t really talking to her. He’s not touching her. He’s touching someone else, the woman he loves on Galactica who doesn’t love him back.
Caprica’s eyes shine with tears and she kisses him on the forehead, on the neck, while he nuzzles at her breasts. It’s rare enough that they share time without D’Anna. And Caprica loves D’Anna, but D’Anna wasn’t there before. D’Anna doesn’t know everything.
“You said it yourself,” Caprica says. “The humans don’t appreciate you.”
“I saved her life,” Gaius says, undoing Caprica’s shirt and rubbing his cheek against her belly. “I’ve saved her life so many times and she won’t meet my eyes.”
Caprica’s heart beats hot and bitter. She’s not entirely sure who he means, but she’s got a good idea.
“I don’t think you’ll find redemption in the eyes of a genocidal maniac who doesn’t believe in forgiveness,” Caprica says bitterly. “She hid the child, Gaius. And you signed the order for her death.”
On target — Gaius pauses, and looks up at Caprica, dark eyes full of want. He wants things he can’t have. He wants everything but doesn’t appreciate what he does have.
“If I could take it back, I would,” he says.
Caprica suddenly aches with jealousy. She’s seen Laura Roslin a hundred times over the past months, and she never seemed to be capable of the passion she invoked.
“Is he still blubbering?” D’Anna asks suddenly, framed in the doorway. “Laura…Laura, if I…it’s good to see you.”
Caprica stiffens. “D’Anna.”
“I think our boy forgets just how good he has it, Caprica,” D’Anna says. “And for what? The dowdy little schoolteacher who turned her back on him? Honestly, she’s twenty years past beautiful…and that hair…”
Gaius swallows hard, and Caprica can feel him hardening against her thigh.
“I don’t think that bothers him much, D’Anna,” Caprica says. “He always wants what he can’t have.”
“But he’ll take what he does,” D’Anna says with a humorous smile, striding over and sliding her hand over Caprica’s arm, leaning in for a kiss. Caprica returns the kiss, fierce and angry and hating with as much hate as she can muster, Laura Roslin.
“I love you,” Caprica breathes, not sure if she’s telling Gaius or D’Anna, but she does. “I wish it could stay this way.”
Gaius groans, hard now, and D’Anna chuckles, biting on Caprica’s earlobe. They’re warm and Caprica is freezing inside. She loves them, and loves this feeling, of D’Anna’s mouth against her neck and Gaius rocking against her needily, as if she can be the only focus of all their passions.
Her heart is going like mad as clothing falls away and D’Anna’s breasts brush against Caprica’s skin, as Gaius’s fingers find their way inside of Caprica and stroke and stroke, his mouth suckling at her chest.
“Yes,” Caprica says. “Oh, yes.”
It seems to her that this is good, this is God’s will. To love without boundaries, to say yes, yes despite the growing fear that Gaius looks into her eyes and pretends she’s that damnable woman on Galactica, that D’Anna enjoys the thrill and has her own plans, that she’s the only one who loves as cleanly and clearly as they all should.
D’Anna’s finger is pinching Caprica’s nipple, and Gaius is kneeling between her legs, licking while Caprica writhes and moans, pinned between them and burning with love.
What is this, if not an offering to God? What is this if not love, selfish and selfless, surrendering and rending, making of her heart and soul an offering to the God who loves with all his heart?
Caprica screams her prayers to the god who has been so very good to her, to fill the world with such love and ecstasy. Slick with sweat, muscles trembling, she slips away from her lovers as they clutch for each other, Gaius impaling D’Anna on his by now practically leaking cock to a raucous burst of D’Anna’s laughter.
Caprica watches, trying to summon the strength to join them in their own dance, but she can’t. Instead she feels the emptiness of her peace within. God indeed loves her, and He approves of her willingness to sacrifice her own selfish wants for love, but God can’t make Gaius Baltar stop being a bastard who’s obsessed with the Roslin woman.
God can’t make D’Anna stop her strange afternoon jaunts, and God can’t, it seems, make either remember how deeply and terrifyingly that Caprica loves them and wants to share.
It might not be enough, but she won’t be defeated so easily.
“Love as you will,” she whispers, feeling rather than seeing Gaius finish with a shout. “And pray like hell that it’s enough.”