Five Bad Girls Starbuck Hooked Up With to Britney Spears
Fandom(s): Battlestar Galactica, D.E.B.S., Stargate: Atlantis, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Birds of Prey, Grey’s Anatomy
Pairings: Starbuck/Lucy Diamond; Starbuck/Cadman; Starbuck/Faith; Starbuck/Huntress; Starbuck/Meredith
Disclaimer: None of the six shows/movies/comic books involved in this is mine; the characters belong to the copyright holders. Not for profit; don’t sue. I am also not Britney Spears; none of her songs or song titles are mine.
Summary: Starbuck hooks up with the popular bad girl. For this trashy hotness I am about to commit upon these characters, Lord, may I be forgiven.
i. (I Got That) Boom Boom
Starbuck knew she’d like Berlin the minute she walked into the disco. And within ten minutes, the dark, short, and slender woman who sauntered over after a brief consultation with her wingman did not disappoint.
“Lucy Diamond,” the dark haired woman said, angular-thin, but hot. Starbuck could very much see the hot, especially in the way the muscles clung to Miss Lucy Diamond’s hips. “International thief, dyke extraordinaire, and currently buying you a drink.”
“Good shit,” Starbuck replied. “I’m Starbuck.”
“I know,” Lucy said, smiling wickedly. She had a good smile, too. Legs up to there, and when she walked, Starbuck could see the flexibility.
Plus, her boy friend was kind of cute, in this complete Gaeta way. He shrugged when Lucy walked past him to the bar, ordering two plain ol’ beers.
Starbuck could already tell she liked Lucy Diamond. Great smile, flexible, good taste in friends, didn’t try to show off by ordering something fancy. Plain ol’ beer, ice-cold, pressed into Kara’s cleavage with an oh-so-charming shrug.
“Wanna sit down?” Lucy asked, baring her teeth in a way that was both a promise of naughtiness and a peace offering.
Lucy didn’t bite — until you asked. That was the message Kara was getting.
“Yeah, sure,” Starbuck answered, meaning it. Except the song changed two steps toward the nice cushy booth Lucy was guiding them to. And it was one of those songs that a stone would dance to. Even a stone who danced like a spazz. “After this song?”
“Ooh, GOOD TASTE!” Lucy said, raising her voice as the beat kicked in, following Kara out onto the floor, finger hooked into a belt loop. “Even though this is totally retro.”
“Whatever,” Kara said. “I missed it the first time.”
Another good point for Lucy — she knew how to dance, and she knew how to dance up on a girl. No grinding, no obvious gestures of ownership like arms thrown around the waist or over the shoulders. Lucy was enjoying her own dance, every so often brushing her tits up against Starbuck’s back, or drawing a hand or an arm across Kara, only to spin away and drop her hips with a lazy smirk.
And then there was the total show-off moment of sheer smooth — Lucy showing off the long, long line of her throat and torso as she leaned back and sucked down about half of her beer at one go.
Then, of course, the beer foamed up, and Lucy shrieked with giggles and coughed.
“Sorry. Thirsty,” she said, going back to bumping up against Kara.
Lucy did this thing where she ran her teeth over her lower lip. It was frakking hotter than hell, and when she did it just then, Kara’s arm snaked out and caught Lucy by the hip, just when the song changed.
“Dance with me,” Kara snarled in a low voice, Lucy’s hips surging against hers. “Yeah, like that.”
“Any time, baby,” Lucy replied, eyes flashing. “All you had to do was ask.”
“It’s a traditional old Earth folk song,” Laura explained, smoothing her red hair reflexively and favoring Kara with a rakish grin. “Or so says McKay.”
“McKay’s a giant nerd lord,” Starbuck said. “I don’t really care if it’s a traditional folk hymn or a porno soundtrack as long as you keep doing that little striptease for me, Cads.”
“Cads?” the good lieutenant asked, sounding offended. Then again, she was wearing a tank-top that might or might not have been concealing a bra, a pair of boxer shorts (formerly Carson Beckett’s) that were concealing a thong, and a pair of military-issue socks that were the least sexy thing Kara’d ever seen.
“Hey, I call ’em as I see ’em,” Starbuck said, running her hand over her bare thigh for emphasis. “You’re not really a Cadman off-duty, and you sure as hell can’t be a Laura for me.”
“Damn your stupid, sexy president,” Laura Cadman said with absolutely no expression in her voice.
“Shut up,” Starbuck replied with the faux outrage of someone who knows she could be called on her bullshit. “You gonna finish this or am I gonna have to finish myself?”
Cadman snorted. “Oh, baby, you make it sound so sexy,” she said dryly. “Let’s see. Where were we?”
Swirling, the lieutenant thumbed the MP3 player to the beginning of the song, paused, and then forwarded the player to the next song. After seven and a half seconds of screeching static, Laura Cadman began rolling her hips and shoulders forward, gyrating and cupping her breasts as another song Starbuck didn’t know swirled around them.
Then Laura lifted her tank top slowly, hips still swaying back and forth as she pulled it over her head.
Starbuck’s breath caught. Frak yeah, no bra, and those were some nice, firm ones to watch bounce and jiggle as Cadman attempted to hump the chair, arching her back playfully.
Then her tongue darted out and licked her upper lip obscenely, and Starbuck groaned.
“Oh, gods, get naked so I can ride you until you’re soaked,” Kara said.
Cadman stood up again, running her hands over her belly and hips and exposed thighs. “Oh, you mean you wish these–” her fingers hooked under the waist band of her boxers– “Were gone?”
Before Kara could growl an answer, they were, and the sheer black thong loomed ever closer to Starbuck’s eyes…and hands.
“Not the only thing, but that’s all right,” Kara said, biting her lip.
Tossing her head and jiggling her really pretty damn hypnotic breasts, Laura minced her way forward before getting on the bunk and straddling Kara, grinding against the other woman wickedly.
“Take it off,” Kara whispered.
“You do it,” Cadman challenged, hair hanging across her face in a surprisingly sexy way.
Kara’s hand brushed against the damp material between them. Cadman jumped.
“Lose the socks and I’ll pull it off with my teeth,” Kara suggested, adding a little pressure to the next rub.
“Deal,” Cadman said breathlessly.
iii. Me Against the Music
Ain’t never been a bitch who could out-vamp Faith before, but the blonde almost-butch in the fatigues with the chocolate bar is hitting Faith right in the crotch.
Seriously, fuck. Who the fuck eats chocolate like it’s the sweetest pussy they ever laid their tongue on without giving out the slut signal? Faith is sure the blonde doesn’t even realize she’s slut-signaling a vamp; given the fatigues, Blondie isn’t fashion-conscious enough to recognize the early 90s clubwear. Doesn’t matter — Blondie’s got a vibe, sort of butch, sort of bad girl, all sex — but it does present Faith with a problem on her way to hooking up with that tongue.
So Faith, all leather and tight red wifebeater clinging to sweat-stained skin, decides to show off a few moves of her own.
The vamp can smell the Slayer on her, and is staring longingly at Blondie, staring at Faith like she’s the biggest bitch since Cordy Chase on the rag, and then back at Blondie. Finally, the imminent death’s too fucking much for the vamp, and she gets up, pouting.
“Get the fuck on out of here,” Faith growls at her. “And for fuck’s sake, buy some new fucking clothes. We’re in the twenty-first century now.”
“Get bent,” the vamp snarls. “Stupid cooze.”
“Very mature, Heather,” Faith mutters, sliding past, but not before staking the dumbass in the back.
She’s dust on a sorority sister’s shoes by the time Faith meets Blondie, who looks irritated.
“What the hell did you just do, Miss Thing?” she asks angrily. “Where did Lanie go? How did you freak her out?”
“Short story: there are vampires, Lanie was going to fuck you and then eat you, and I kill vamps like her for a living — hence the freaking. If you come out with me, I’ll buy you a few drinks, fuck you, and not kill you.”
The blonde snorts and grins. “Gee, you don’t sound like a psycho or nothing,” she says. “Starbuck.”
It’s not a fuck off, and Faith slides into the seat next to Starbuck’s. “Faith,” she replies. “Those are some great pants.”
“I used to be a pilot,” Starbuck says. “I killed things for a living. These are one of the few things I’ve got to show for it.”
“We got a lot in common, then,” Faith replies. “And from the way you stand, I bet you get off on it. Not the dead part, but the part where you’re fucking good at what you do. That sweet feeling of being in control, in your own zone, moving like you weren’t thinking, and them BAM! bam-bam-bam-bam-bam, and there’s just energy, right? Fucking energy like nobody’s business, and it’s just no good to come off that without getting off. Waste of all the crackle, you know?”
Starbuck, who initially looked dubious when Faith launched into her rant, pauses.
And it’s a hungry pause.
“Maybe, yeah,” she says, reassessing Faith visibly. “You kill the vampire bitch already?”
“Fuck yeah,” Faith says. “Want me to show you how?”
“I think so, yeah,” Starbuck admits. “I’ve been needing a thrill, because there’s nothing sweeter than frakking after you have wasted everyone and done it better than anyone, you know?”
Oh, Faith knows, and she slides a hand over Starbuck’s thigh, muscle-hard and tense with adrenaline and mistrust.
“Awesome,” Faith says. “Once, I almost frakked this rich bitch lawyer up against a fence. She practically came from the way I looked at her.”
“I’m gonna need more than a look,” Starbuck says. “And better frakking music than this crap.”
Faith fishes a quarter out of her pocket and presses it, body-warm, into Starbuck’s hand. “Pick a song, and I’ll meet you on the floor to test your moves,” she suggests, her breath aiming to tickle the delicate hairs on Starbuck’s ears. “Then I’ll show you all mine, free of charge.”
The driving drum and guitar of a good metal song hit Faith in the hips as she waits for Starbuck’s saunter.
Moves like this girl ain’t never seen, Faith swears to God. A good slay, a good fuck…this is going to be a good night, Faith’s pretty damn sure.
iv. Breathe On Me
“So let me get this straight,” said Kara to Helena. “You work for an ultra-secret, woman-power vigilante group based out of Metropolis.”
Helena nodded, tying Kara’s left wrist to the bed.
“And you chose the name Huntress?” Kara asked, raising her eyebrows and smirking at her chosen tormentor cheerfully.
“Because Starbuck is less lame?” Helena inquired, briefly sticking out her tongue. “Starrrrrrbuck.”
Kara snorted as Helena finished the work on her right wrist. There was clearly some crazy shit going on here — maybe Helena had gotten tied up by someone, maybe it was one of her woman-power friends who Helena bitterly muttered were totally into each other and not Helena. But Kara was about as scared of Helena as she was of Kat — there was a good game going when it went to talking. And sure, provoked, there could be scary.
But Kara knew down to her toes that Helena wanted to frak her more than she was interested in the scary. After all, her rather…pointed…breasts gave her away.
“They let you teach small children,” Kara pointed out. “At least before I was being tied to a bed before getting eaten out, I was a soldier and a known screw-up.”
Helena snorted and slapped Kara in the mouth. “I didn’t ask for your opinion, soldier.”
To Kara’s red-faced shame, her chest flushed red. And not with embarrassment, either.
“Oh,” Helena said, eyes sparkling. “Kara likes it rough, does she?”
“Kara likes it real,” said Kara. “And you look like you’ve got a mouth on you, Huntress. I like mouths.”
Helena didn’t say anything. Instead she lowered her head to Starbuck’s naked stomach and licked a long, slow stripe up to the underside of Kara’s breast.
And blew, softly.
Kara’s hips jerked up like they were on strings. Helena laughed.
“Before they let me teach small children, I was the daughter of mobsters,” she murmured against Kara’s warm skin and shuddering muscles. “I bet I win at the fucked-up game, Kara Thrace.”
“What do you win?” Starbuck groaned out at the feel of Helena’s fingertips teasing the insides of her thighs.
“Hot, wet sex laid out in front of me like candy,” Helena said. “Except…”
She bounced up to the stereo next to the bed. To Starbuck’s surprise, bouncy pop music poured out of the speakers.
“Let’s not wake the neighbors,” Helena suggested, returning to Starbuck and her straining hips.
“More than your usual late-night antics, that is,” Kara said, sweating and pulling at her restraints. “You have some experiences with ropes, Helena?”
“Ah, ah, ah,” Helena said, slapping the outside of Kara’s thigh. “I’m the one doing the interrogation here.”
Damn it. She was going to be a humiliated, sticky mess before they were done…and she would be happy about it.
Happier if it wasn’t to someone who called herself Huntress, but hey, she couldn’t have everything.
v. Oops, I Did It Again
“Are all doctors drunks, or is it just the ones I know?” Kara asked Meredith the surgical intern who had been progressively feeling her up, the drunker she’d gotten.
It was okay, because Meredith was adorable in her own way, and Kara had decided long before the third or fourth whiskey neat that she intended to take Meredith home for the night. But seriously. How many drunk doctors did there have to be in Starbuck’s not-so-bright-and-sparkly life?
“I’m a drunk. I don’t know about doctors, but I’m a drunken whore,” Meredith announced. “I have gone back to drunken whoredom, and you know why? Because my McDreamy is an asshole. I’m done with men. I am a total lesbian now.”
“Any guy you can call McDreamy is a total asshole. That’s like, a frakking rule,” said Kara. “I had a guy like that. Total dickwad. First he bangs and marries this cute girl who’s like, nine years younger than him. Then I frakking catch him on top of his stepmom. Who he’d apparently been screwing since the beginning.”
“His stepmom? SERIOUSLY?” Meredith asked, eyes huge. “That’s disgusting.”
“Well, she wasn’t his stepmom at the beginning,” Kara said. “She was the president then.”
Meredith looked the way Kara felt when she found out about Lee and his ‘mommy-girlfriend’ and the whole frakking mess. And it was honestly really kind of great. Someone who frakking got why it was appalling.
“Wow, that’s both cool and totally whoretastic,” Meredith said. “And yet, I feel like I’d hate her less than him. That’s how I ended up feeling about Addison, and Addison fucked McSteamy. And then had the tawdry one night stand with Izzie. And is too perfect to live, but she is STILL less of a dick than Derek McDreamy.”
“Oh, no, I hate them both,” Kara said. “Mine can both go rot in hell.”
“Well, yeah, of course. Fuck Addison. She can go have sex with anyone, because she’s perfect,” Meredith said. “But still less of a dick than McDreamy.”
She patted Kara on the thigh. It was almost innocent, except for the part where Meredith was leaning over like the giant slut she was. Kara appreciated the lack of subtlety. Some people liked subtlety. Lee the Manslut, for example, liked subtle. And evil overlordage.
Kara hated subtle. She wanted to attack subtle with a blowtorch, and so she liked Meredith and the complete subtlety-deficit.
“No, I hate them both,” Kara admitted with a shrug. “Bitch sent me off on this mission of death and then almost started a civil war all while having all the sex she could want with my McDreamy. They even had almost-sex while in jail for mutiny.”
Meredith’s eyes were wide, and she was now stroking Kara’s thigh. “That’s crazy,” she said, putting her head on Kara’s shoulder. “I think we should go and do lesbian things to each other now. That’ll show the McDreamys of the world and their stupid hot stepmoms and perfect ex-wives and idiot supergenius fellow neurosurgeons.”
“You really do like your sex when you’re wasted, don’t you?” Kara asked, helping Meredith to her feet and copping a slight feel.
“I like sex all the time, but I only get really nasty about it when I’m drunk,” Meredith admitted, kissing Kara on the cheek. “You’re really hot. Not as hot as Cristina, but Cristina won’t fuck me — even though she’s bi — and you will.”
“Thanks,” Kara said dryly.
“Sorry. I’m a blunt slut when drunk,” Meredith said, stumbling out with Kara.
“That’s okay,” Starbuck murmured. “I intend to take girl-sexing advantage of your blunt slutness, so it all evens out.”
Meredith grinned and snuggled against Kara. “Oh, good!” she said. “I was hoping you’d say that.”