Title: Chaux Pas
Fandom: Bring It On
Pairing: Courtney/Whitney, past Missy/Torrance
Disclaimer: Jessica Bendinger, Universal Pictures, these people have the rights. Not me.
Summary: It’s a cheer reunion!
Ten years later, and Darcy was still talking about test scores.
“Well, when I got a 162 on my LSAT, with my 3.8 GPA, it was definitely a top twenty law school instead of a top ten, but my father’s got connections, and things turned out okay,” she was telling Cliff Pantone, who was telling everyone the incredible story of how his mom’s first husband was Torrance’s dad, and it turned out that Torrance’s dad had been a bigamist with a double life.
“The best part was that my mom was pretty much anti-cheerleading anyway?” Cliff said. “But then Missy was elected captain and oh, it was funny. Except for the part where Torrance’s dad was married to my mom.”
“That’s not — you’re totally screwing with me, aren’t you?” Darcy asked.
“Maybe, maybe not,” Cliff said. “Maybe I just sold the idea as a screenplay. But it could explain where I got all the great music. Dead brothers, big tragedy — hey, is that Jan?”
Before Darcy could say another word, Cliff had peeled off to where Jan was getting his name badge and handing over a bag or two of charcoal and ruffling the hair of a cute little kid.
“How many do you have now, Jan?” Torrance asked, looking a little frazzled but impressed at the little kid, the baby in Jan’s wife’s arms, and the five-year-old chasing Torrance’s golden retriever.
“Just the three. We’re hoping for number four next year,” Jan said.
“No doubt about your manly heterosexuality, is there?” Les asked, kissing Jan and his wife on the cheek with a smirk. “Hey, Tor. What’s got you stuck behind the desk?”
“Just waiting for a few more squad members,” Torrance said with a smile that was tempered by nearly a decade of coaching teenagers on how to smile correctly. Cliff, Les, and Jan all exchanged a glance.
“Courtney and Whitney are late? Quel suprise,” Les said. “They wouldn’t be on time to their own funerals. Are you sure they promised to show up at this one? They’ve been real flakes since about two years ago.”
Torrance snorted in agreement, and then seemed to notice that Cliff was standing there. “Hey, bro,” she said. “How’s my other mom?”
“Other Mom says hi,” Cliff said.
There was an awkward silence. “Darcy got a 162 on her LSATs,” Torrance said.
“Is that good?” Jan asked.
“Compared to three kids?” Les said. “You tell me, Jan-Jan. Hey, Cliff, where’s your sister?”
“Getting another case of soda,” Cliff said. “She’s at the car. There may be a spirit stick involved.”
“Whoo, spirit stick!” Les said. “I’m all over that!”
He took off at a run, and Jan and his wife looked after him longingly. Ever since Tor and Cliff had had the thing with the bizarre family dynamics? The thing that everyone knew was about how Torrance got ripped up at her twenty-first, and then jumped in Missy’s lap and said, “Oh my God, you are the sexiest Pantone! I like kissing you so much better than Cliff!” and not about Torrance’s dad being Missy’s mom or whatever the flying frig they said it was about?
Tor and Cliff put the “aw” in awkward, and yet couldn’t stay away from each other.
Carver and Kasey were playing bocce ball with Aaron, who was totally trying to scam on Carver and failing.
Aaron had gained a little weight, and the amiable surfer dude thing had totally stopped hiding his lack of brains after twenty-five.
“And yet he works for ESPN,” Jan bitched. “There is no justice. I bet he doesn’t even work out.”
“Jealous much?” Torrance asked.
“Oh, you have NO idea,” Mrs. Jan said. “So is your dad really dating Cliff’s mom?”
“Hon,” Jan said. “Remember how that’s the other forbidden story?”
Mrs. Jan tilted her head. “No, the other forbidden story is how Missy and Torrance totally got it on at a drunken party and oh, shit, that was a cheer faux pas. Um, a chaux pas?”
“A chaux pas?” Jan said. “I think it’s far beyond a chaux pas.”
“Who told you, anyway?” Cliff asked, giving Torrance a dirty look.
But before the dirty laundry could get the airing, something prevented yet another Rancho Carne Cheer Reunion from deteriorating into Why Torrance Was Drunk and Missy Didn’t Mean It and There Was No Gay There, Seriously.
And that something was Courtney and Whitney.
Walking up in matching outfits, arm-in-arm, carrying matching Louis Vuitton bags.
“Oh, ye gods,” Jan said. “What the hell, Courtney and Whitney?”
Aaron, Kasey, and Carver all appeared to have come to the same conclusion, because they were gaping. Full on gaping, open-mouthed, at the spectacle.
Particularly when Courtney kissed Whitney on the cheek, and then Whitney kissed Courtney with tongue.
“Dude, that is the most shameless self-outing since Liberace,” Les said, returning with Missy in tow.
Missy snorted and held out a hand to Les. “Bitch, you owe me fifty dollars,” she said. “I told you. How many times did I tell you those two were dykeadelic?”
Courtney and Whitney sashayed up to the table. “Hey, Torrance!” Courtney said. “How’s the independent cheer coaching business going?”
“Fantastic,” Torrance said archly. “They’re really awesome girls, and the scholarship fund is really helping out.”
“Still paying off that racial guilt, huh?” Whitney said snidely. “What can I say, I’m impressed, Tor. Most people would have let it go by now.”
“It’s not about racial guilt, it’s about a level playing field, and don’t be a bitch, Whitney!” Torrance said.
Whitney grinned. “I have missed screwing with you, Tor,” she said. “You’re so easy. All I have to do is say, you can’t tell me because I am a lesbian Asian-American, and you get freaked.”
Courtney giggled and looped her arm around Whitney. “You are such a vicious ho,” she said.
“And you know it turns you on,” Whitney replied, starting to mack on Courtney in front of everyone.
“So are you making fun of me, or fake making fun of me and dragging in racism, too?” Torrance asked. “Because I think that might be uncool, but I can’t tell unless I know if you were joking or not.”
Dead silence. Courtney and Whitney both smirked at Torrance, who looked like she was about to jump up and kick ass.
“Is this a chaux pas?” Mrs. Jan asked, looking around at the tense faces of the Rancho Carne National Championship Squad (reunited and not feeling so good) with confusion.
And just like that, the tension was gone, as everyone started giggling.
“A chaux pas?” Missy asked. “Is that like when you drop the spirit stick during obscene sexual acts?”
“That’s not what my boyfriend calls it,” Les replied.
“You still owe me fifty bucks, gaymo,” Missy said. “And hey, ladies, what did I say to you about discovering your inner truth?”
Courtney looked at Whitney and Whitney at Courtney. In unison, they opened up their purses, pulled out two pieces of paper, and handed them to Missy.
“What the hell are these?” she asked. “I asked for a vibrator apiece.”
“They wouldn’t fit in the bag, because teeny is in and you probably like the mongo size,” Whitney said. “So we each got you a gift certificate to Good Vibrations.”
Cliff burst into laughter then. “My sister, ladies and gentlemen. Nationally recognized head of the Cheer Gay-Straight Alliance.”
“Well, it’s better than pretending you’re not into Torrance, even though you STILL so clearly are, buttmunch,” Missy said placidly.
A moment of silence. And then…
“So, Darcy, what did you get on your LSATs again?”
Ten years later. And some things never changed.