Grey’s Cursed Anatomy
Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy
Disclaimer: So not mine!
Summary: That’s what friends who know how to play doctor are for.
“Word is your pussy is cursed,” Cristina said, handing Meredith an icy-cold beer. They’d bought two six-packs of Newcastle Brown Ale after Meredith’s latest trip to the bar had proven to be a complete bust. “Joe thought the story of Running Guy was funny.”
“Oh, GOD,” Meredith mourned dramatically, lifting herself up off the carpet just high enough to swallow her beer. “No wonder all those guys were looking at me like I had cooties.”
“More like vagina dentata,” Cristina answered, settling down next to her and snapping her teeth at Meredith, who pouted and stuck her tongue out at Cristina. “Congratulations.”
“Screw you,” Meredith said. “At least I’m not afraid to move in with Burke because I don’t throw away my magazines.”
Cristina snorted and took a long swallow of her own beer, noting that Meredith was using her forehead as an impromptu coaster. “Where are George and Izzie?”
“Don’t know,” Meredith said with a random hand gesture that was supposed to pass for a shrug. “I think they’re having an Alex is Icky party somewhere.”
“Good for them,” Cristina said. “So, is it cursed? Do you think it is, anyway?”
“What, my vagina?” Meredith asked, sounding deeply offended and struggling to pull herself into a sitting position. Cristina offered her a hand and snickered when some of Meredith’s beer slopped onto her cleavage. “Would you like to examine it? I bet that would be a hoot — Grey’s cursed pussy. Addison would love that.”
“Oh, please,” said Cristina. “McDreamy’s wife is the first thing you think of when you think of your own pussy? Possibly you have a problem, Grey.”
“Possibly my vagina is cursed, Yang,” Meredith replied snappishly, hair tossed with force. “Oh, God, no one will ever have sex with me again! I should just become a lesbian and adopt cats!”
“You don’t have to be gay to adopt a cat,” Cristina said. “Would it make you feel better if I thoroughly examined your vagina and pronounced it not cursed?”
Meredith flopped back on the floor and gave Cristina a despairing look. “Does it make me pathetic or scary if I say yes, yes it would?” she said in a little voice.
“Okay,” Cristina said, feeling a little flapped and not liking that because she was supposed to be the unflappable Cristina Yang. “Take off your pants, Meredith.”
“Hold my beer,” and there was Meredith up in Cristina’s personal space again, handing her the beer.
And then there was Meredith. Stripping off her jeans and panties with such efficiency that Cristina knew that the one-night stand thing had served Meredith well for years.
“Anything specific I’m supposed to be looking for?” Cristina asked.
“Anything that explains why these things keep happening to me and my vagina,” Meredith said with an earnest little nod.
“Well, with volume and rate of turnover, you have to consider,” and Cristina snickered when Meredith swatted at her. “Okay, okay. Sorry. We can play psychologist after I’m done playing doctor.”
Feeling like maybe this was more than a little weird, Cristina started looking at her friend’s external genitalia. Labia majora, labia minora, and yep, Meredith had a normal clitoris, too.
“I meant to get a wax, but life’s, um,” and Meredith paused. “This is kind of creepy and pathetic, isn’t it?”
“That’s what friends are for. Drinking beer and giving you a pelvic exam with her free hand,” Cristina said.
Then, God help her, Meredith tried to snuggle up against Cristina, and now Cristina was about to jump out of her skin, because what the fuck?
“Well, we could do better than pelvic exams,” said Meredith. “Like playing doctor, but with bonus orgasms.”
“Are you high, Grey?”
“Horny,” Meredith answered, and her little eyes were absolutely full of lust, and Cristina swallowed hard, because shit. Shit, the white girl was trying to fuck her and Cristina was a little bit pleased by that. “I won’t even tell. Not even if people beg me to tell, how fucking hot and wet Cristina is, I won’t.”
Cristina snorted. “Okay, you read some bad BAD porn, don’t you, Grey?” she asked, thinking that next time someone needed porn as pain control, she was going to tell Bailey to send Meredith.
“Cheap romance novels are my anti-drug,” Meredith said, her legs snapping closed. “Come on, Yang. You’re feeling mine; I wanna feel yours.”
“You’re drunk. You’re high,” Cristina said, feeling panic and curiosity tingling all over. “Or possibly you’re just screwing with me because you’re a crazy bitch with a cursed vagina.”
“No,” said Meredith, releasing Cristina’s hand and looking at her with the big kitten eyes of innocence. The bullshit, I’m-so-cute-and-emo-and-love-me-cuz-I’m-HARMLESS look that was the main problem Cristina had with Meredith besides her really fucking awful taste in men. “I really wanna. You’re my person, right?”
Cristina stared at Meredith with an uncomfortable awareness of her slightly sticky fingers and the part where Meredith was either being serious or this was how she tagged so much ass.
“You ever tell anyone,” Cristina said, unbuttoning the front of her jeans with a sigh and a shrug, “I will tell everyone that your vagina is not just cursed, it’s evil, and that you have nasty hygiene. Also that you also got syphilis from Alex.”
“I have better taste than Alex,” Meredith said, eyes sparkling. “I want you, don’t I? Oh, also don’t ever tell Izzie I said that about Alex.”
“We can pinky swear that and the part where YOU NEVER EVER TELL ABOUT THIS,” Cristina said, giving Meredith a look as she offed her pants. “So…you still serious?”
Meredith smiled and licked her lips. Cristina was aware that she was a little too pleased about unsettling the unflappable Cristina Yang, but Cristina would get her for it later.