Exit 75 (One for Lollipop Gestapo) [X-Files]

Exit 75 (One for Lollipop Gestapo)
by Jennifer-Oksana
rating: NC-17
keywords: Slash. Mulder/Scully. Mulder/Krycek.
summary: Mulder meets up with Krycek in the basement of a hotel.
disclaimer: Chris Carter and 1013 and FOX own X-Files. Not me.

She hands me a key on the way out of the office.

“Seven sharp, Mulder. Don’t be late.”

Something I’ve done has pleased her of late, or she needs a good lay. It’s
a rare thing when I earn my way into Scully’s bed, anyway. It doesn’t
really matter, that part of our relationship, that’s what I tell myself.
That we’re intelligent consenting adults who sleep with each other because
we need the release, nothing more, I repeat that to myself as I head for
my car, clutching the key.

Our trysts are never held in our apartments. Too risky. No, we choose
cheap motels, ones we can use for an hour or two, then ignore ever after.
She’s always waiting on the bed, always undressed already. I undress like
the Flash, and then we fuck. I feel vaguely guilty, using the most
intelligent and lovely person in my life like a whore, but I get over it.
After all, she’s the one who chooses everything in that part of our life.
If I’m a john, so is she.

I look at the key, know the drill. It’s an offramp inn, a resting place
for the weary, a love nest for the guilty, and a crib for two people who
play both prostitute and john. I’ve never been, I’ll never go again. I
sigh, and hit the bathroom, take a piss. Washing my hands, I look into the
mirror.

“You’re a handsome devil,” I tell myself, scrubbing my hands vigorously.
“What’s your name?”

“Talking to yourself, Spooky?” someone calls from a stall.

I don’t reply, finish washing my hands, and exit the men’s room. So I wish
I looked like John Cusack. Women fret when they get a new freckle and
force themselves to try to look like waifs like Kate Moss. Why can’t I
vaguely wish to look like Cusack?

I whistle to myself as I get in my car and drive. Exit 75. Baby, she’s
starting to choose out-of-the-way places. I’m gonna have to push it to be
on time, and she gets extremely pissy when I’m not there at seven on the
motherfucking dot. I punch a few radio buttons and stop with a new one–

“And sooner or later it’s over– I just don’t want to miss you tonight,”
the singer cries.

I need this. I’ve needed her bad for a while. Porn videos just don’t do it
when you know what you’ve got sitting across from you in the office in
prim DKNY and flamboyant Frederick’s of Hollywood underneath.

“And I don’t want the world to see me, cause I don’t think that they’d
understand…”

God, God, GOD, I hope the traffic on the Beltway isn’t too bad. The
thought of her in that hotel room, waiting (even if she’s arrived a mere
two or three minutes before me), it drives me nuts.

“When everything’s made to be broken– I just want you to know who I am.”

Scully, I don’t know why we do this to each other. It’s not release, it’s war.
I can see our little encounter already– you attacking me with that
potent little body of yours– your valkyrie cries, your sharp fingernails,
driving into my back– I can see me, trying to hurt you. Driving deeper
into you, hoping maybe I’ll make you scream, but not with pleasure. That I
can take some back of what you take from me, I want that.

“And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming, or the moment of truth
in your lies, when everything feels like the movies–”

It’s a fucking joke, what we do to each other. I think she truly hates me,
she’s just afraid to realize that she’s chained herself, body, heart, and
soul, to a prick like me, to a world like this. Scully’s mind is obscure
and dark and dangerous. What manner of woman was she before we all got to
her? My bruised demon lover, in that angel’s form, what has life taken
from her? Or am I just kidding myself, and is it Scully who’s the dark
one?

“Yeah you bleed just to know you’re alive…”

I was a good kid. A kid with issues, but I tried so hard. I try so hard. I
want only the good, but sometimes, there is no good in this joke of a
world. Look at me. I’m supposed to be Truthseeking Fox Mulder, driven to
pursue the truth, avenge the innocent, do my best. Instead, I sulk,
control the damage of the monsters and evil around me without getting rid
of one iota of it, and oh, yeah, I screw my partner on occasion. My prize
for selling my soul to no one.

Shit, I don’t want this. Scully can go pick up some slob in a bar and
screw him silly for all I care. I can’t do this. Not tonight. Not anymore.
I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do, but I am not going to go to
Scully, as much as I want to. As much as I need to.

I violently pull my car off the highway at the next exit, pulling into the
Marriott I see there. I feel like getting drunk. Maybe I’ll be brave
enough drunk to tell Scully our arrangement is o-v-e-r.

* * *
“You think you’re so brave?” I slur to the bartender. “Well, I’m over an
hour late to go fuck my partner. She’s going to kick my ass just to remind
me she’s got bigger balls than I do. You hear me?”

“I’m calling Security if you don’t get out of here immediately, sir,” the
bartender tells me firmly. “I’m calling you a cab, sir, but you leave the
bar immediately.”

This bit of information weaves its way to my brain back and forth
entrancingly, like Scully walking into a room, like Alex “One-Armed”
Krycek skittering under cover like a roach– I grin goofily at the bar
guy, and stand, trying to make it out of here without falling on my ass. I
manage that. I manage to get to the elevator (bar was on the top floor,
ritzy!), but I can’t get off at the right floor. I end up in the basement.
I lurch out, dizzy and slowly getting nauseated, then I finally hit the
floor. I don’t pass out, but I just stare up at the ceiling and laugh.

“She’s going to fucking kill me,” I repeat to myself. “What the hell was I
thinking? I’ll never touch her again–”

“Why the hell would you wanna, Fox?” someone asks me. Oh, I must have
passed out, because the voice sounds sexy. The voice sounds like Krycek.

Yeah, I’m out cold.

“Because she’s good,” I say. “It’s like– amazing. Never woulda guessed
it. She’s all woman, even if she’s got titanium balls.”

“You like ’em with balls, Fox?” the same Krycek voice asks. “I can give it
to you without all the fun of waking up next to her. You’d like it, I’m
telling you.”

“I’m not into that shit,” I say indistinctly, feeling the touch of a male
hand against my face. It’s different, but it’s still almost arousing.
Scully won’t touch my face, won’t let me kiss her. I wish I could, just
once, kiss and kiss until I finally silenced her sharp voice.

“I don’t give a rat’s ass what you’re into. I made myself a promise about
you, Mulder,” that voice tells me, slapping me with the same hand that had
run down my cheek so gently. “You wanna hear what?”

I try to move, try to get away from this person. But he’s fast, he’s
sitting atop me before I can do anything, and after slapping me again,
rolling me over.

“Let go of me, asshole,” I growl. “Who the hell are you, anyway?”

“Who the hell do you think it is, Mulder? I promised myself recently I’d
do this the next time we crossed paths. You can tell me how straight you
are, I don’t care how many times I’ve seen you screw her, how many times
she’s screamed for you. You’re afraid.”

“Krycek,” I growl. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Something completely unrelated to you. We just happened across each
other– serendipity, Fox. It’s all about serendipity.”

Yeah, sure. I’m about to get raped by this one-armed bastard, then I get to go
face Scully and explain it. Krycek has a weird fucking definition of
serendipity.

“Do it, then,” I growl.

“You’re such an asshole, Mulder. I swear to God, you’ve had this coming,
you really have.”

I can’t see anything, but I can hear. I hear the swish of a belt, feel as
his belt become some form of handcuffs– after all, the one armed man
needs a little help in that department– I squirm and struggle, but I’m
trapped. Fate.

“Yeah, just one more thing to add to the list,” I reply.

“What list?”

“I got a list of reasons why I’m gonna kill you, Krycek.”

“You got a list? Do you have one for Scully?”

I squirm, arch, and realize Krycek is unmistakably aroused, and that I’m
going to get it. His hand is on my ass, and this is not good, it’s really
not good, and it’s even worse that I feel a little– just a little–
turned on, too.

“I don’t want to kill her.”

“Liar. Liar. We all want to kill her. You just want to kill her by
degrees. You like watching her shatter. I’m an honest liar, Mulder. I want
to do the same to you. I want to take everything from you, and give you
only what I choose. I want to watch you come undone. I want to take even
what you call yourself from you. Can any average human stand the presence
of a saint? Of course not, so we destroy them.”

“Having a hard time getting it up, Alex?” I jeer. “God, you’ve spent a lot
of time musing and not enough raping.”

“Where are you now, Mulder? You used to be wild about the edges,” he says,
grabbing my pants. “You’re nothing but a shadow.”

“I’m tired, Krycek. I got my own responsibilities.”

He’s somehow managed the belt. Krycek is extremely talented for a
one-armed man. My pants are being snaked down, and damned if I don’t have
my own hard-on going. I wait, silent, ashamed, and wishing my conscience
concerning Scully hadn’t decided to act up tonight. I could have been
halfway back to Alexandria after a very satisfying session with Dr. Dana
Scully. Instead I’m hard and drunk against the concrete, facing my own
rape.

“What are you waiting for?” I growl finally.

“I’m waiting for you to say yes,” he replies.

“Yes? To what?”

His hand traces a path down my back. Even through the shirt, I shiver. The
sensation is undeniably arousing.

“Don’t play stupid with me, Mulder,” he says, slapping my ass hard. “You
know you want this.”

He’s out of his mind. My body still continues to respond, and I hear him
laugh, feel suddenly his tongue tease my earlobe. Oh, God. God. My back
arches and I don’t know up from down.

“No,” I whisper.

“No?” he asks, his mouth tracing a path down the back of my neck. “That
doesn’t look like no to me.”

Gently, ever so gently, he cups me. My hips jerk, an involuntary reaction,
but he laughs nonetheless.

“No,” I whisper again.

“Why not? I bet Scully would. I bet she’s already gotten tired of waiting
for you, that she’s found some one-night stand. She’s a practical woman,
Fox. You’re her vibrator on legs, not her lover. Or don’t you get that?”

I hate him. I want to hate him, even as his mouth and his hand continue to
drive me crazy, and my body shakes and trembles with rage.

“Do it, then,” I growl suddenly. “I’m not saying yes, but I’m not saying
no. I haven’t got a choice, do I?”

“You’ve never had a choice,” he replies, and suddenly, I feel him, this is
actually happening, oh my God, oh my GOD, and it hurts and it’s driving me
crazy and I can’t get enough and I want him to stop, I’m spinning and
spinning–

“Come on, Mulder, relax, man, relax–” he growls to me, nibbling on my
other earlobe. I’m trying to relax, and suddenly I do, and it feels so
good, and I realize he’s actually singing or something, or saying
something.

“What are you saying?”

“I have to learn to let you crash,” he tells me. It doesn’t make any
sense, but whatever he needs, and I am so close to coming it’s not funny.
I don’t understand how it’s possible, he hasn’t laid one red finger on my
front, and suddenly he makes a sound, and he comes, and then and only then
does he start paying attention to my problem.

“Poor Mulder,” he jeers, his hand finally finding my sex, and starting to
move up and down. I am so sensitive right now, I’m going to explode, I
have needed it bad, I’m coming down from the madness of before, as though
it were all a dream.

But it’s no dream. The hand on my hard-on is Krycek’s, not Scully’s. The
name I call when I finally let go is not hers. The kiss that follows– on
my cheek, as before– isn’t soft and delicate. Stubble scrapes stubble. I
try to reach him with my own mouth, but he doesn’t allow that. All my
lovers dominate me.

“Sorry we didn’t have time for more,” he says coolly. “But I don’t think
we had time for more than a fuck. You come see me again, okay?”

The best response to that would be ‘Fuck you, man,’ but that’s sort of
redundant. I’m still bound and exposed on the floor, he might just leave
me.

“Sure. My people’ll call your people, we’ll do dinner and a movie first,”
I reply.

“God damn,” I hear him reply. “Well, aren’t you gonna thank me, Fox?”

“For what?”

“Loosening the cuffs so that they don’t find you bound and naked on the
floor, asswipe,” he replies. “And for getting some life fucked back into
you.”

“I didn’t know that you were a necrophiliac.”

He almost laughs, but he does finally loosen the belt, and then I hear his
footsteps pound off. I pull my hands free, and immediately try to pull my
pants on, tidy up a bit. I hear my cell phone ring, and after failing
twice miserably to zip up, I finally manage and grab the phone.

“Mulder,” I say.

“Wednesday at the Alexandria Holiday Inn?” he asks. “You good for that?”

“Fuck you, man,” I finally get to say.

“That would be the point. I’ll see you there– and Fox. Does Deep Impact
sound like fun to you?”

Before I can respond, he hangs up and I stare at the phone.

So help me God, Wednesday at the Holiday Inn sounds good. I’m losing what
little is left of my mind. I need to go to Scully, I need to talk to her,
to explain. I can speak with her now without pulling off all her clothes.

My earlobe tingles still, and my mind is full of images. Alex and Scully,
do I have taste or what? Beautiful demon lovers who want to use me and
whom I want to use.

I need to go to Scully now. I need to explain. I fumble in my pocket and
find the key to the motel.

Tonight things have changed.

Tonight things will continue to change.

Exit 75. I’m still alive. Maybe a little more alive than I was before I
met him in the hotel. This fact continues to surprise me as I make my way
back to my car and to my Scully.

I hope she’s waited for me.

END

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